Today I'm leaving Disneyland. Well, not really Disneyland -- I'll be leaving my home and family in Switzerland to take up a position in New Delhi, India. And although my wife and daughter will be joining me in a few short months once the worst of the summer heat has passed, I am nonetheless leaving. No one wants to leave Disneyland, right? Perhaps not right away, but I've been here for some 14 years, and change was in the cards. Set stress level to one.
We plan to leave for the airport with the family at 5:30 in the morning. Enough time to make the one-hour journey, handle a minor traffic slowdown, and still get to the airport in time to make my flight. I was told to get there at quarter of seven; and certainly no later than seven o'clock. However, our little one was having a bit of a fuss that morning, no doubt related to all the change associated with the impending family move to India. Although she "knows" about it, with Dad leaving it becomes all the more concrete and she does not really know what to expect. In any case, we don't really leave our home until almost 5:40. At 6:45 we were just getting off the highway at the airport exit. Increase stress to level 2.
In the past, whenever we traveled on a morning flight we tried to get a hotel room close to the airport so as to minimize the hustle, bustle and stress of traveling. However, no such luck this time. Geneva was hosting several large international meetings and our timing was poor. Fortunately, I had checked-in the three large suitcases which contain most of my worldly possessions that will be with me for the next several years while in New Delhi. All I brought with me today was a carefully selected, small carry-on handbag packed to the teeth with a laptop computer, external hard disk, cables and all the other paraphernalia required to maintain contact within the networked world in which we/I live.
We arrived at the airport parking entrance, I pushed the button to get the parking ticket. I grabbed it and it fell to the ground in a place inconvenience for easy retrieval. Increase stress to level 3.
I hate flying. No, I hate the fact that flying doesn't like me. Perhaps it goes back to when I first got on an airplane as a small child, traveling from California to the east coast to visit the place which we would soon call home. It was one of the very few times where I had a strong premonition that something bizarre was going to happen. As I buckled my seat belt and prepared for the takeoff I put my hand on the armrest, my fingers gliding down its side, finding their way into a natural position. It was just then that my index finger encountered something that shouldn't have been there. I quickly retracted my finger see what it was, but nothing discernible was there; just something moist. I put my finger up to my nose to see if I could further figure out what it was. The strong scent of day old "what's left after the air traveller gets sick" penetrated my nose and into my brain. I desperately wanted to get out of my seat to wash my hands, but of course it was too late. The plane was already getting ready for takeoff and I need to stay where I was pukey finger and all. It was the first time I got air sick but not the last. Since then most every "untreated" flight has been plagued by chills, upset stomach and eventually the urge to throw in the towel and not fight the fact that I get terribly airsick. My father used to tell me that it was "mind over matter". But given the vast quantity of motion sickness remedies available on the market, I believe he was wrong. Probably some bullshit macho explanation for why he didn't get airsick.
In any case, over the years ritually pre-flight medicate with Dramamine, Bonine, Marazine and other over-the-counter medications. They all work; however, in addition to giving me bizarre sensations in my legs during flight and being contraindicated with alcohol (a friend of the stressed-out traveller), they also have the wonderful attributes of leaving me in a zombielike yet irritable state that lasts from the time of taking through up to several hours after the completion of my travels. At best the result has been stilted "get reacquainted" conversations and "how nice to have you back home" (NOT); however, in extrema during a recent trip to Spain, the combination of driving for six hours, the medication, new flight regulations on the quantity of liquids that one can pass security with as well as a little "language problem" between myself and the young security consultant led to a misunderstanding where the young lady decided I was a rude traveler and pondered whether I should be held off the plane. Indeed, I am convinced that the drug-induced irritable zombielike stupor contributed to the loss of several rather important items at the security counter during one travel.
However, once having moved to Switzerland I started traveling with some doctors who informed me of a product available in Switzerland which had fewer side effects: Stugeron. Yes, that's right, it's called Stugeron and I swear by this one. No funny feelings in the legs; no zombielike behavior and -- best of all -- no one's threatened to take me off of a flight yet!
In any case, now inside the airport I confirmed my tickets, went upstairs to the departure area and popped a Stugeron. Now all would be better. I said goodbye to the family, passed passport control, and headed to the gate with my carefully selected, I carefully sized and carefully packed carry-on bag accompany me.
In all of the excitement and distractions associated with a international move of this nature, I had forgotten about some of the formalities that accompany air travel in our modern era. Specifically, I had forgotten about the drill that we must do now when passing airport security. I don't really know how I could've forgotten this, but as I'm not a frequent traveler I guess it's easy to forget. In any case, thankfully Geneva doesn't make you take off your shoes. However, one does need to empty the pockets, place change, keys and cell phones and other metal objects into the little tray so it can be passed through the x-ray machine. However, I had not anticipated that they would ask me to unpack my bag. When it was my turn, the young security consultant indicated that I needed to remove my laptop computer so that it could be passed through separately. And of course, that small bottle of cologne and I, at the last minute, shoved in the bag needed to be removed and packed in its own separate plastic sealable bag which I needed to pick up some 10 meters behind me at the beginning of the queue for the scanners. Sheer panic! The laptop was carefully if not "architecturally" packed below my empty briefcase, mouse, various cables, power adapters, the microphone/headset, the power supplies, my 500GB hard disk, document folio, case of CD/DVDs, notebook, the perfume and, last but not least, the box of "TravelJohn" disposable urinal bags -- given as a joke by some of our friends as a going away gift. Quickly, I hurridly pulled all of these things out of the bag. The box of TravelJohn's falling onto the floor so as to be picked up by the security guard. I could only imagine what the security guard as well as my fellow travelers immediately behind me thoughts of this. Then, all items but the laptop and the perfume were stuffed back into the suitcase to go through the x-ray unit. On the other side, heart pounding, I again had to take all of the other items out of the suitcase once again, place the laptop and perfume back into the carry-on bag, and then rapidly repack up all of the other 10 to 20 items so that the bag would close properly. 15 minutes before departure. Increase stress to level 4.
Exiting the security screening area, I started to run towards the motorized walkway leading to the gate. I simultaneously pushed on the button and then pulled on the telescoping handle of my newly purchased, carefully sized carry-on luggage only to find out that the handle, after 30 minutes of use, would no longer extend to the full position. Consequently, I proceeded to "run" to in a bizarre crab like fast-walk in order to get to the gate as quickly as possible. Increase stress to level 5.
Once aboard the aircraft I found my business-class seat occupied by a young lady who avoided my eye contact. No doubt she fully understood that she took the window seat and was going to just play dumb to see if I would say anything. Not wanting to let an opportunity like this go without making the point, I suggested that she may have said in the wrong seat and that, unless she had a preference otherwise, I would not mind staying in the aisle seat. Of course, she preferred to sit in the window seat. Bitch. Increase stress to level 6.
I won't go into all the details that happened upon our arrival in London. I needed to change flights to catch the flight from London to Delhi. The security in Heathrow is impressive/oppressive. In particular, everyone must pass security yet one more time when transiting the airport. This time, shoes had to come off. But the bag did not need to be unpacked nor did the liquid need to be taken out of the bag. He would've been nice if the two airports could have had some "middle ground". I think I would've preferred taking my shoes off in Geneva instead of unpacking and repacking my luggage with a bunch of equally stressed and deranged travelers behind me.
In any case, the flight from London to Delhi was relatively empty. The business-class "sleeper" seats were spacious and comfortable and the James Bond film, which I had not yet seen, was a pleasant surprise. Of course, business-class seating does have its privileges on such long-haul flights and the menu and the treatment of the stewards and stewardess made the remainder of the trip quite enjoyable. Thank you, BA.
